What if forever was now?
by Black Snowdrop
Summary: What if Rose had held on until the Void breach had been sealed? She gets to stay with the man she loves but one door has closed forever and now she has to live with that choice.
1. I'm a survivor

Rose could hear the screams of Dalek and Cybermen all around her like alien white noise. It was like having her eardrums pulled over sharp, thin, metal grating. All the while there was this enormous force pulling on her body, as if dozens of people were tugging at her, trying to prise her fingers from the lever. She could feel her body trembling from the force. The plastic of the handle rubbed into her hands the tighter she held it, continually sending uncomfortable vibes through her hands the more the force fulled at her. It took all of her energy to hang onto the thing, to fight the growing urge to let go and relieve the soreness that was spreading through her palms. Against the temptation, she gripped the handle harder.

Her eyes soared across to the room to the Doctor, still hanging onto his clamp, being raised from the floor by the force of the Void energy being sucked back in. He was staring at her, his mouth half open, his eyes huge, panic stricken, mirroring her own fear. He was yelling at her. She could barely make out what he was saying, telling her to hang on. She had never heard him sound so desperate and it filled her chest and her mind with an even deeper sensation of fear.

She closed her eyes, searching herself for any ounce of strength that wasn't already giving 110% into this fight to stay alive. Rose was no stranger to life or death situations but somehow this one was far more important. She'd given up her Mum and Mickey to go back to the Doctor. She couldn't fall at this hurdle. She wouldn't let herself.

She could hear herself screaming, channeling her fear and her need to survive into her grip on the lever, feeling it tighten. The pull of the Void energy heightened once again for a brief moment she was almost yanked off the lever and then just as suddenly the force was gone. Nothing was keeping her in the air anymore. The screaming stopped. For a nanosecond, Rose was suspended in the air and then she fell hard to the floor.

Rose had never been so grateful for gravity, even as her knees roared their complaint in a brief flash of pain. The impact of the fall knocked some of the breath out of her and it began to sink in that she was safely on the ground again. Nothing was pulling at her. There were no Daleks or Cybermen about to kill her. It was over.

"Rose!" Rose was on her hands and knees when she heard the Doctor's yell. She looked towards him as he ran to her. His hands found her elbows, lifting her up easily and then his arms were around her and she was pressed against his chest, her face in his shoulder. She sank into him, her arms wrapped around his chest and she closed her eyes. She was safe. He was safe. The world was safe again. The enemy was defeated again.

"Rose…" the Doctor whispered in her ear as he held her tight. He breathed out and it was shaky and soft, tickling Rose's temple as he cradled her. "You shouldn't have risked your life like that. You could have been sucked in. You nearly were."

Rose lifted her face from his shoulder so she could speak. "Yeah," she agreed, "and what are the chances the Daleks and Cybermen would have given us time to do take two?" she asked, looking him in the eye, into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

He didn't answer, just stared at her for a few seconds. His mouth began to part as if he wanted to argue. "It might've worked," he said after a pause, "I would have risked it. I nearly lost you. You nearly went into the Void, Rose. I could- I could never have risked that."

Rose's breath caught as she listened. She smiled as a small blush crept through her cheeks. "Good job it was me risking it and not you then. Besides, there was more at stake than just me and you dying, wasn't there? If we'd have died, what would have happened to the earth?" The Doctor turned his head away with a frown. His lips merged into a thin line, as his eyebrows plunged. She watched the muscles in his cheeks tighten and knew her point had landed. He didn't speak for several long seconds but she felt his hands pull her a little closer and she didn't fight it. Her hands found his shoulders and held onto them. "If I had to die, Doctor, I'd like to do it so that the people of Earth are safe. One life versus millions. That's no contest, is it?"

The Doctor's head jerked back to face her. "You're not just one life in a million Rose," he snapped, his voice fraught as he spoke. "Your death wouldn't mean nothing. Not to me."

Rose took a breath and squeezed his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just… I just meant I'd rather die knowing that we'd done everything to save the Earth than take a gamble that wasn't in our favour." She smiled at him, meeting his eyes.

The Doctor still didn't smile though he lifted one of his hands and moved it to cup her cheek. The entire right side of her face tingled when he touched her skin. "Rose, I never want to come that close to losing you again. Seeing you that close to going into the Void," he took in a deep breath, "I can never unsee that."

"I'm sorry," Rose reached up and touched the Doctor's cheek. He let out a long exhale as if he'd been holding his breath and was only just allowed to breathe again.

"I know," he whispered, "and I know you only did it to save the Earth." His smile began to grow over his face. "It's one of the many reasons why you are absolutely incredible, Rose Tyler." Rose grinned up at him. They held each other's gazes but it was Rose who moved first. She returned her arms around his shoulders and he swept her up off her feet, just a little off the ground. The Doctor held her there. Rose could feel some of tension leaving his shoulders as he put her down. He slowly released her, reaching back to ruffle his hair.

"Well that's done now. The Earth is safe. The Cybermen and Daleks are gone."

Rose looked towards the wall which, only a few minutes ago had been luminous with Void energy. "Mum and Mickey are gone now."

"I'm sorry." Rose looked up at the Doctor as he spoke. His face was an open canvas of guilt and regret. "You should have gone with them."

Rose shook her head. Suddenly the words wouldn't come. They were halted in her throat by a great sphere of emotion and a sea of all the things she would never do again. No more movie marathons with Mum, no more cheeky pints with Mickey, no more telling them about her adventures, no more pizza and wine nights. No more family meals. No more Chrismases and Halloweens together. All she had was an empty flat with the past smiling out of pictures at her. No more than those photos, a wardrobe and some utility bills to prove that Jackie Tyler had really existed. All of those things gnawed at Rose and she felt her tear ducts begin to overflow but she forced them back with a deep breath.

"I made my choice," she forced the words out. "I don't regret it," she said and then turned away from the wall. "We should probably go. The police are probably gonna get here soon. Unless you want to stay and explain everything?" she looked back at him, raising an eyebrow.

The Doctor was frowning at her, his eyes intense with concern. "Rose, you don't have to pretend to be okay. You're allowed to be upset."

"No," Rose said, trying to keep her voice level above the knot of emotion that was jamming itself harder in her throat. "I chose this. I wanted this." She closed her eyes. "I do want this. I knew what I was giving up. I… I'm not entitled to be upset. I did this." She wrapped her arms around herself. It didn't help with the emotions at all.

The Doctor stepped forward. Gently, he took her arms and unfolded them. His hands moved to take hers and Rose made no movement to stop him. "You made a choice no one should have to make. The fact you chose to make it doesn't take away your right to be sad and miss your mother. Don't bottle it up, Rose. She wouldn't want that from you and… neither do I."

Rose swallowed. The lump was getting worse now. She squeezed the Doctor's hands and forced herself to push those feelings down for now. "Can… can we just leave?" she asked.

The Doctor continued to eye her with concern but he nodded. "Okay."

"I need to go back to the flat," Rose said. "One last time."

The flat, as it often was, was mostly a mess. The door to Rose's room was half open and that was the only tidy room about the place. The bed was well made and the floor was spotless. Her window was open, filling the room with fresh air. Even her bedside tables were tidy. Across the hall, her mum's room, however, boasted an unmade bed, several drawn out drawers, a messy collection of perfumes and hair products atop the chest of drawers and a dressing gown thrown over the bed. As for the living room, it could have been worse. There were empty tea-stained mugs and plates littering the coffee table. The couch was playing host to various celebrity magazines, one of Jackie's jackets and a pack of cards. The kitchen counters were full of empty glasses and piles of empty ready meal boxes.

Stepping inside it all was like a punch to the gut. But Rose persevered and walked into the living room.

Pictures of her life with Jackie smiled up at her from cheap, plastic or wooden frames along with pictures of Rose as a baby, a child and a teenager occupied places on the bookshelf, the mantlepiece and the walls. As Rose looked around at each photograph, she played the memory of it over and over in her head along with so many others. The time she'd fallen off her bike and broke her ankle, how much her mother had cuddled her and promised her everything would be okay if she calmed down and let the doctor help her. Rose half smiled at the irony of her mother's advice, how her mother had resented the Doctor for such a long time. She picked up a picture of her mum on the coffee table. It was Rose's favourite. It was on her mother's fortieth birthday. Rose, Mickey and the family had saved up to hire her mum's favourite pub's function room for the event. It had been so crowded. All of her mother's friends and relatives had turned up, people who she had worked with and a lot of neighbours. It had been an amazing night. The karaoke machine had taken a hammering. The air had smelled thickly of gin and rum and everyone had danced the night away.

Rose's smile at the memory began to fade. All those people wouldn't know what had happened. They would just think Jackie had disappeared. They'd keep searching for her. But no one would ever find her because she wasn't coming back.

Rose picked up the photograph and stared down at her beautiful mum, beaming into the camera, looking like a superstar. The same mum who had always been there for Rose no matter how many times Rose had messed up and no matter how many nasty things they'd yelled at each other in the heat of the moment. Now there would be no more cups of tea and quiet make up chats, no more Cliff Richard on bank holiday Mondays, no more takeaways and X-Factor evenings. No more Jackie Tyler. No more Mum.

A sob escaped Rose's lips before she had a chance to stop it and then one after another they were pouring out of her just as tears rushed down her cheeks. Shoulders shaking, Rose held the photograph close to her. I'm sorry, Mum, I'm so sorry. She bowed her head, her blonde hair falling like curtains around her face, shielding her tears. But the sobs continued to grow in number and volume until her whole body was trembling with them.

Suddenly arms wrapped around her and she felt a study chest against her back as well as the faint aroma of the Doctor's cologne as he held her.

"I'm so sorry," the Doctor whispered into her hair. "I'm so sorry, Rose. If I'd have checked Jackie was in the TARDIS. If I'd just made her stay in the TARDIS…"

"It's not your fault," Rose wept, "I should have made you take her home or made sure she was out of there. I… it's my fault."

"It's not your fault." The Doctor took her shoulders and slowly turned her around to face him. "None of this was your fault. You made a choice. You didn't bring the Daleks or Cybermen here. You didn't widen the crack between universes. All you did was choose what world you wanted to be in. This is your home." He reached up to cup the back of her head, gently turning her gaze up to him.

"My mum probably thinks I abandoned her," Rose said, her voice cracking so much now. "I didn't even say goodbye. I just left. How selfish am I?"

The Doctor held her gaze, turmoil in his eyes. Rose could see her own reflected in those brown orbs. "You're not selfish, Rose. You just risked your life to save the human race. As far as selfish goes that's not even on the scales. Besides, you didn't have much time to say all those goodbyes. It was a terrible situation."

"I still should have tried. You told us what would happen once the breach was closed. I knew it would be permanent. I didn't even spare seconds to say goodbye." More sobs took hold of her and Rose tightened her arms around the photograph. "My mum deserved better than that. I should have been better for her." She released one hand and moved it to cover her eyes, fruitlessly wiping away at the continuous flow of tears.

"Rose." The Doctor took her hand away from her face and moved his other to her cheek, stroking it and wiping the streams of tears away. "Rose. Hindsight is a terrible thing sometimes. Any goodbye was never going to be fitting enough when you're being separated forever. There are always going to be things you wish you could have done. I have them too," he explained as he squeezed her hand. "I wish I'd never put you in harm's way. I wish…" he trailed off.

"Wish what?" Rose was aware of how small her voice sounded but right now it was all she could manage.

"There are so many things I wish I could change about my past. I wish I'd said a better goodbye to my parents. I wish I could have saved more people on Gallifrey before it burned. I wish I hadn't run away from certain things. I only made things worse by doing that. The Game Station, the Hundred Years of Hell on Earth, I could have stopped that by sticking around. But I can't change that, not without making things so much worse."

"You did what you thought was right."

"So did you. That's my point Rose. You thought you were doing the right thing. There was no time to spare."

Rose exhaled. "But I feel so guilty." She lowered her hand holding the picture and dropped it on the coffee table. "I don't know how I can live with that guilt, knowing what I could have done instead, that she deserved better than that."

"I know," The Doctor said, still stroking her cheek. "But your intentions were good, Rose. They weren't to abandon your mother. You did it so you weren't leaving me."

He stopped for a moment and lowered his hand away, looking at her with an expression Rose hadn't seen before. It was as though she'd completely changed in front of his eyes and she wasn't comfortable with the thought of it. Would that be what he thought of her now? The girl who had abandoned her mother? She swallowed. Her insides tightened defensively. If he did think that, he could come out and say it. She felt wretched enough as it was. But in that second, that flicker of anger, of worry just disappeared and common sense returned. He didn't think that of her. She knew that as strongly in her gut as she knew that coming back had been the right thing to do. But the consequences were harder than she'd imagined. Losing the option of going home to her mum was just going to have to be something she lived with from now on.

"I didn't… I didn't even think, even after last time. I didn't expect you to choose to come back." The Doctor finally confessed.

Rose felt herself smile as warmth flooded through her chest. "Yeah?" she asked. "You didn't learn that from last time?" she asked. "The Game Station. Always comes down to you against the Daleks, doesn't it? Has it really taken you this long to realise that I'm never going to leave you? Especially not facing them alone."

The Doctor began to grin. "I guess I'm just a bit slow."

"Yeah, you think?" Rose continued to smile through her tears. She looked around at the flat where she'd grown up, where she'd spent her life before the Doctor. "I wasn't choosing this place, this planet or this universe when I made my choice, Doctor," she said as she turned her gaze back to him. "I was choosing you."

The Doctor's grin softened back into an emotional smile. "I know."

"I just didn't think it would come down to one thing or the other," Rose admitted. She moved away and looked around the room. "Like I said, I don't regret it but… it's time to move on. Mum's not coming home again now. This… this isn't home anymore." She wiped her tear-streaked face.

"Rose you don't have to do this now. You've just lost your mum. No," the Doctor amended himself. "I didn't mean that."

"Technically I didn't lose her," Rose agreed quietly. "But I'll never see her again. It's like losing her. Like Dad all over again. I messed that up too. Now I've done it again with Mum."

"No," The Doctor crossed the room to her. "You didn't mess up. Your mum has a second chance with the man she loved. Sure, it's a parallel version of him and that's kinda weird," as he spoke Rose found herself smiling a bit more, "but it's a chance she was never going to get before. She's not going to be on her own in that parallel world. That's something."

Rose nodded, the lump in her throat returning to her, preventing her from speaking. She lowered her head. The Doctor pulled her into his arms.

"You don't need to try and deal with this on your own," he murmured. "I'm here."

His hands moved over her back in smooth strokes, gently reaching up to her hair and cradling her. In his arms things would be okay. Within them it was normally enough to put aside any quarrels and just enjoy being close to them. Rose closed her eyes and she could see her mum, confused and disorientated after teleporting to the strange new world. Rose saw her look towards Rose and then Rose had turned away, resolved to go back and then she'd just gone. She hadn't even said anything to her mum, hadn't tried to soothe her confusion. She'd just gone and left her in a strange world with only Mickey for familiarity. The tears began to build up in Rose's eyes again as she opened them. The Doctor's embrace was warm but not even that could chase away the image of her mother's confused face, burned onto her eyelids. Yes, her mum had Pete now and she still had Mickey. But up until this point in life, it had been her and Rose. They had been the real team and Rose had left her behind without even a second's though or a goodbye. The worst part was that it still wasn't enough to make Rose regret her choice either.

"_And in forty years time, fifty, there'll be this woman, this strange woman walking through the marketplace on some planet a billion miles from Earth. But she's not Rose Tyler, not anymore. She's not even human."_

Her mum's words floated back to her over the sea of guilt, each word landing hard. Was this what was happening? Was she becoming less human? Was that the price of being with the Doctor? It's not the only price. Rose said nothing of these thoughts as she clung to the Doctor, resting her cheek on his shoulder as the emotions overwhelmed her.

"Okay, I need to get on with it," Rose said after a couple of peaceful minutes had passed. She wiped at her eyes. "I've got to sort this place out."

"Rose, don't do this now. You've got time to sort it out."

"No, I-I want to," Rose insisted. "I need to. I… I don't want it- I don't want it hanging over me. I just want to get on with things." She looked around the room.

"If you're sure." The Doctor looked doubtfully at her. She nodded at him, shoving her emotions back again. There'd be time for that.

"I am," Rose lied. She shoved her trembling hands in her pocket. "And I've… I've got to call Mo and the kids, tell them…. Tell them something." She covered her eyes with one hand for a moment and sucked in a breath. "Okay, okay, game face on. Just gotta-"

"Rose, this isn't a game," the Doctor gently reminded her. "You don't have to rush into this now. It's too soon. We can come back here anytime."

"No," Rose shook her head fiercely. "Doctor, I can't ever come back here again. I can't. It's too hard." She struggled to keep back the tears. "Please don't ask me to do that. Please can… can we just sort this now? Please? I can't face coming back here. It's too much… I just want to keep busy. If I don't keep busy, it's just too much to think about right now."

The Doctor pulled her back into a hug and this time he kissed the top of her head. "Okay, okay," he said softly. "Tell me where you want me to start," he added in a whisper.

They reached a compromise over the packing after a lot of discussion.

The Doctor suggested they pack everything up and move it to the TARDIS. Rose could go through everything once she was ready and this way they wouldn't have to return to the flat. Rose agreed to this after some long thought. It was time to leave the Powell estate behind but she wasn't ready to go through her mum's stuff yet. So she and the Doctor worked on packing up the flat. There was a brief break in tension when the Doctor showed Rose some small clip on teleports they could use to move the boxes to one of the storage rooms. They first experimented on Rose's box of stuffed animals just in case the technology glitched. Thankfully it ended up in Rose's room as instructed. One by one, the other boxes were sent to the storage room.

Around half eight, Rose made a call to her cousin Mo to tell her something about why Jackie wasn't going to be around. All the time, the Doctor could hear Rose struggling through her words, her hands shaking, feet pacing across the living room over and over as she spoke to her cousin. If Rose's end of the conversation was any indication, tears were being shed. Rose's cheeks were puffy and red from crying and rubbing at her face by the time she ended the call.

"You told her Jackie was dead." The Doctor observed.

Rose nodded. "I couldn't tell her the truth. I don't want her to think that I'm mad. I just can't go through that right now. Besides it's going to hurt her either way. She and Mum were so close," she added, moving to lean against the TARDIS doors. The blue box stood in the doorway to Jackie's room and Rose was glad of the blockage to that view now. "I just can't believe it," she murmured. "This morning everything was fine and now everything's changed. All because Torchwood were messing around with the Void."

"Torchwood has a lot to answer for," the Doctor agreed as he leaned against the other door to the TARDIS. He reached down to interlock their fingers. "But they don't deserve your thoughts, Rose. They've caused enough trouble as it is."

"Yeah," Rose said, her voice sounding a little stronger now. "Move forwards, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded. He didn't know how she was being this strong. He hadn't felt like that when he'd made the decision to let Gallifrey burn to end the Time War. He didn't consider himself remotely strong when he thought about all those lives that had ended with one push of a button. All that loss. He could never be okay with that. He'd never wanted that. He'd chosen one out of two bad choices and now he had to live with it. Rose's choice, by comparison, was less damning than his. But he would never say that because it was damning to her. He wondered if she would ever forgive herself for her choice. _Would you?_ He wondered inwardly. _Would you forgive yourself if you left your mother in another universe?_ It wasn't the same situation though. If the Time Lords were here, one could jump between universes and be back in time for supper. That wasn't an option anymore.

Rose's hand dropped from his. "Time to go," she said, pushing her way into the TARDIS. The Doctor followed her inside. She was standing by the console, looking at the screen, at the image of the empty flat where she'd spent her life. Her face was unreadable. The Doctor ached to reach out and touch her shoulder or take her hand, just something to help her feel like she wasn't alone. But he didn't. Something inside him told him to hold back and give Rose this space.

It was a long time before she moved away and disappeared from the console room for a couple of hours.

After putting the TARDIS on autopilot for a while and taking a shower in his room, the Doctor returned to find that Rose had come back to the console room. More specifically she had opened the TARDIS doors and seated herself on the edge, legs dangling into space, fingers holding onto the edge. She stared around at all the stars in complete silence.

The Doctor crossed the room towards her, his footsteps not as quiet as he'd like but if Rose heard him she didn't give any indication.

"I don't want this universe to forget about Mum," she seemed to say the words to the stars, as though she was wishing on one of them.

The Doctor carefully sat down next to her, his own legs dangling next to hers. "I don't think anyone's going to forget your mum in a hurry," he remarked. He smiled as he remembered a day, so long ago, seen by different eyes, when that fierce blonde tornado had whacked him across the face. He remembered the fury in her eye like an aggravated tigress eyeing him like he was a poacher that had dared to steal her cub from her. Now there was an animal that summed up Jackie Tyler. There had been the incident with Elton. She'd chosen to protect him as well as Rose and words could not express how much that had surprised him. But then Jackie had seemed more amiable towards his newest incarnation than she had his predecessor. Then again, his latest regeneration hadn't accidentally stolen her daughter from her for an entire year so that probably helped.

"Do you think…?" Rose's question disappeared into the cosmos in front of them.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's cheesy," she said.

"No, tell me."

She was silent for about a minute. "I was thinking it'd be nice to… maybe… name a star after her or something." She was still looking away from him. "But that probably sounds lame," she said quietly.

The Doctor began to smile. "That sounds perfect," he said. This time, he reached out and took her hand again. She squeezed it and looked sideways at him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Jackie deserves that. We'll find a new star, a big one, and we'll name it after her. It'll burn for millions of years, maybe even billions." He rubbed the side of his face with his free hand. "Just like one of her slaps. You know I can still feel it."

Rose laughed. "Yep, that was mum all right. You didn't forget one of her slaps in a hurry," She swallowed and looked out at the stars again. "Billions of years, yeah?" she asked. "I think she'd really like that."


	2. Time to say goodbye

A restless night followed the events of the day and by the time Rose dragged herself out of bed, it was almost noon and she'd managed about three hours of sleep overall. A long, steaming shower helped to revitalise her a little. She changed into some black jeans and a green blouse. She brushed her hair with minimal effort and shoved it up into a messy bun. She caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her face still looked a little puffy after all of the tears from yesterday and during the night. She covered it with a thin layer of foundation and applied a little mascara and eyeliner. When she looked herself over, she decided she looked a little bit closer to normal. Not that she felt it.

She swallowed hard as she looked in the mirror. If she closed her eyes and cast her mind back, she could picture her mother standing by her side, looking at her reflection and telling her to put some nice eyeshadow on - Rose had lovely eyes, she should flaunt them some more - and that some night cream wouldn't have gone amiss either. Rose smiled as she thought of all her mother's "helpful" remarks when it came to her fashion, her hair and especially her make up. But she'd been right about some of the choices. If Rose hadn't listened to her sometimes then she might have broken some serious laws of fashion. She remembered the bright orange blouse she'd wanted to get when she was fifteen. She'd been adamant that it'd look good with her beige jeans. Her mother had nearly screamed when she caught Rose carrying the blouse to the till. In fact, her mum had bribed her with a fiver not to buy the shirt. At that age money had won out.

When Rose opened her eyes, they were full of tears. She quickly dabbed at them with tissues before they could smudge her make up too much. She tossed the tissues in the bin and closed the door on her way out. It was a short walk through the TARDIS but five minutes later, she walked into the control room.

The Doctor was always here before her. He was perched on the twin seat, scanning his screwdriver at the console and examining the screen near him. Rose had offered wondered if he ever slept and if he did, did he have his own room or how long did he sleep for? But somehow those things had never really stuck in conversations for long without the Doctor playing it down and distracting Rose with ideas for their next location. Rose wasn't particularly inclined to push the matter today either. She was just glad that he was here, that she still had this, this thing with him and the travelling.

"Morning!" The Doctor called over to her. He stood up from his seat and walked over to one of the railings, half smiling as he did so. Rose bitterly wondered what he had to smile about after yesterday. She was so wrapped up with confusion and memories that she didn't know whether she was going to smile because of some memory she remembered or cry because those were the only memories she was going to have with her mum. She slid her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and tried to muster up a weak smile in return.

"Hey." It was all she could manage.

The Doctor pushed off from the railings. "So I've been searching through the universe for anything connected with the Void at all," he declared, walking around the console until he reached the screen. "I thought perhaps there was something-"

"Like what?" Rose asked as she walked up the ramp to the console area. She began to follow him. "You said the Void would seal itself up once all the Void energy was sucked back in." She sat down in the twin seat and watched the Doctor move around the console.

"Yes, it would have done. But you never know, there might be a tiny crack somewhere."

Rose stiffened. "A crack for what?" For her to go back? Was this idea of helping her to deal with the choice she'd made? Giving her the chance to make it again even though she'd made it clear that she didn't regret her choice? "To send me through?"

The Doctor stopped on the other side of the console. His voice went quiet. "Not like that," he said. He then moved around the console to her side again. "No, there won't be enough to do that even if you wanted to, even if I wanted to." He folded his arms and leaned against the console. "There might be enough of a gap to send a message through to your mum."

Rose sat up straighter. "Are you serious?" she whispered.

"I wouldn't joke about it. But yes." The Doctor began to smile at her. "I might need to steal some power from the supernova near it." He nodded his head towards the console screen. Rose could see a burning ball of light surrounded by an explosion of different colours radiating from it. "But if accelerating the burning up of a sun gives you a chance to say goodbye then I say we should do it."

Rose didn't even remember moving. In one second she was staring at the screen and in the next she had flung herself into the Doctor's arms, her own around his neck and tears were spilling now. She ignored her make up malfunction and clung to her best friend tightly. "T-thank you," she whispered after many long seconds. "Thank you so much."

"Everyone deserves the chance to say goodbye," the Doctor whispered in her ear as he hugged her just as tightly. "Because you need to ask your mum all the things you want to know and you need to tell her you love her."

Rose pulled back from the hug a little. "I think it's the least she deserves." She looked towards the screen. "When can we do it?"

Rose stood on the other side of the console, facing a microphone, as the Doctor flipped switches and checked the screen frequently. All the while she could feel every nerve in her body trembling. Her heart felt like it was doing back flip after back flip, giving her a small sensation of nausea in her stomach. She held her hands together to stop them trembling and balling into fists. She focused instead on the sounds of the TARDIS consoles and the thought of the supernova outside powering this message.

He did so for about ten minutes before he held out his hand and gave her the thumbs up. "We need to draw her to where the connection is strongest," he explained. "Keep calling her name."

"Mum," Rose's voice was quiet. She cleared her throat. "Mum!" she called louder. "Mum!" Over and over she repeated the name.

"It might take some time. It's seconds for us but time will have passed differently for her there." The Doctor said as he looked at her around the screen. "Just keep calling her."

For the next five minutes, the Doctor kept fidgeting and fiddling. He yanked at levers, twisted knobs and buttons and scanned the screwdriver at the screen. Finally he slapped the side of the monitor and let out a cry of triumph. He pointed the sonic screwdriver at Rose and she watched as the scene around her began to change.

She was stood on a beach. It was cloudy and the beach was nearly empty except for a group of people stood nearby, all with their backs to Rose. The waves roared in the distance, crashing against tall, dark cliffs and combing along the beach. Rose didn't recognise the landscape at all. But she turned her attention to the people in front of her.

Rose could recognise the back of Mickey's head from anywhere after always sitting behind him in school. The alternate Pete's hairline was receding just as much as her dad's had begun to, making it easy to recognise him to. Rose felt her throat close up when she saw the back of her mother. She was facing where the sea met the cliffs. Rose wanted to walk up and hold her. She stepped forward but she stopped herself. She wasn't able to touch her mother. The Doctor had made that clear. She was a message, nothing more than a ghost.

"Mum!" she called.

Jackie turned around so fast that she almost overbalanced. Mickey and Pete caught her arms to stop her. Mickey stared over at Rose. "Rose?" he asked.

Jackie followed his gaze. She broke free of their hold and hurried forwards to Rose. "Rose!" she ran towards her arms out-stretched. "Oh my baby, there you are!"

"Mum don't-" Rose began to say but Jackie's arms passed through her. Seeing the shock and disappointment on her mum's face was enough to make her want to cry. But she held the tears back, watching her mum step back, looking Rose up and down.

"But how… you're here. I see you." Her mum protested.

"There's a tiny crack in the universe left," Rose said struggling with the words, "it's about to close. It's just enough for me to send a message."

Jackie seemed to flounder. She tried to speak a few times, each question breaking off before she could fully form it. "Y-you can't come through?" she finally managed.

Rose shook her head. She felt the tears escape and slide down her cheeks. "No," she answered. "I'm sorry." The apology sounded so thick in her throat, so bad that Rose couldn't help the sob that escaped her throat afterward. "I'm sorry, Mum."

Her mother's face was a mirror of tears. "Oh," she said. Her voice sounded so soft and sad, so unlike her mother that another sob burst from Rose. "How long've we got?"

"I…" Rose faltered. _Two minutes._ It was the Doctor's voice, gentle in her mind. "About two minutes."

Jackie let out a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Is this the Doctor?" she asked. "How's he managing this then?"

Rose sucked in a breath. "We're orbiting around a supernova. Burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

Her mum smiled. "I should hope so too."

Rose laughed a little. She wiped at her own tears. "I just wanted to say…" she began, "that I love you Mum. I always have and- and I know I should have said goodbye properly before I left you. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to think that I didn't care, that it was easy for me. I just couldn't do it Mum. I couldn't leave him. I don't want you to think that it was easy for me to leave you after everything you've done for me. It wasn't Mum. I promise it wasn't!" The words burst from her like a geyser, coming up from her throat rushed and plentiful. The tears were soaking her cheeks now and more sobs burst from her chest.

"Rose, Rose," her mother's voice was soothing but firm as she walked closer to Rose. "Rose, listen to me darling, because if this is the last time I can ever help you then you're going to listen, okay?" Rose nodded and Jackie smiled a little more. "God, I wish I could hug you, kiss you again. I'm never going to get to do that now, am I?" She then wiped at her own tears. "Right, listen to me. I don't think you're the kind of girl who would just leave her mother at the drop of a hat. I know you wouldn't do that without a very good reason/ Two very good reasons, actually." She smiled up at Rose. "I've always been scared of this life of yours, of what kind of danger you were in. But I've never seen you happier. I've never seen you braver, doing what's best for other people. This travelling you're doing is making you better."

"You don't think I'm going to end up some stranger on some moon…?" Rose asked.

"I was wrong." Jackie said. "There, I've said it and I'm not saying it again so don't ask." She smiled as Rose laughed at that. "My point is I know how you feel about this life and this Doctor. I know it must be something pretty special for you to have made that choice." She stopped talking for a moment, wiping her face with both of her hands. "If you'd said goodbye when you left… I was too angry at you. I didn't think about what it had cost you to do that. I didn't think, Rose. But I've had time now."

"Yeah?" Rose asked. "How long has it been?"

"About three months." Jackie admitted. "And that's not all. It's been… a lot's changed."

It was Rose's turn to wipe her face. "What do you mean?"

"I'm pregnant, Rose. You're going to be a big sister."

Rose covered her mouth as she laughed. Her mum was having a new baby? Well that was the last thing she'd expected. She couldn't stop herself from laughing. "That didn't take you long," she chuckled, wiping back more tears.

"I know!" Her mum declared. "It's like some kind of miracle." But behind her beaming smile, Rose could see her own sadness reflected back at her. This news came with a sad truth. Miracle, huh? Rose thought to herself. She would never get to meet her brother or sister. She would never get to be part of this new family. That was a price she'd never realised she would pay. But maybe this was a good thing. Her mum would have a new focus. Perhaps that would help.

"It's the luckiest baby in the universe," Rose said, "in all universes because it has you for a mum, just like me."

Jackie's eyes watered even more. "Don't say that," she sobbed.

"It's the truth," Rose said. "You're the best mum in the universes. I wish I could get to know my little sibling but I know they're going to be great."

"I'll make sure they know all about you, Rose. Their brave big sister travelling another universe. Seeing the stars and saving lives. You'll be like a superhero to them."

Rose laughed softly. "Yeah… I think I like that."

Jackie sniffed. "How long…?"

_Seconds,_ the Doctor murmured in Rose's head. It's time to say goodbye.

"I've got to go now, Mum," Rose wept as she spoke. "Time's running out. I… I love you so much."

"I love you too, my beautiful, brilliant Rose," Jackie cried. "I will always love you no matter where you are."

"Goodbye," Rose said. The scene began to fade out. "No…"

"Goodbye Rose," her mother's words sounded just as the last of the transmission faded out.

Rose was back in the TARDIS. She could feel herself shaking as the sobs took over her body. She sank to her knees and then to the floor. She heard the Doctor's hurried footsteps and then his arms were around her and she couldn't stop sobbing.


	3. Daiquiris are a girl's best friend

Rose stumbled out of the Red Cat, her hands grasping onto the door handle to prevent herself falling, face first, onto the soaking pavement below. Behind her, she could hear the haze of noisy chatter and laughter and feel the warm golden light on the back of her hands. In front of her, the night was heavy with rain and puddles were swelling under the continual downpour. The cold raindrops seeped into Rose's cheeks as she stepped further out of the pub.

"Whoa, wait, wait, wait!" The Doctor called to her. His arms moved around her, taking her wrists and steadying her back against his chest. Rose's warm, sleepy, alcohol fuelled mind tilted at the movement and she slumped back against her alien friend. "Steady now," the Doctor continued, "watch the step." Rose stepped down, her feet shaking in her heels. She wobbled again but this time the Doctor kept her steady. "There we go," he murmured as Rose regained some balance. "Blimey, it's like a monsoon," the Doctor mumbled.

Rose heard him rustling about in his coat. He removed his arms from around her and Rose felt a nasty jolt of disappointment when he did. Rose turned to him, watching as he opened an umbrella, TARDIS blue of course, and holding up well already against the growing wind around them. He held the umbrella in his left hand while his right arm wrapped around Rose again. She snuggled into his shoulder, stumbling again in her heels.

"Heels and alcohol are a bad combination," the Doctor mumbled as they began to walk along the street, away from the noise and the clinking of classes, the last sounds of Jackie's memorial drinks being replaced by the whooshing of the wind and the aggressive pattering of the rain.

"Heels are great," Rose slurred.

"Rose, you can barely walk in them." The Doctor's tone was a perfect mix of concern and teasing.

"That's because I'm tired," Rose insisted.

"And a little bit drunk," the Doctor added.

"Pfft," Rose laughed against his shoulder, "try a _lot_ of bit drunk."

The Doctor laughed gently. "I don't think that's grammatically correct but hey, I'll let you off."

"Thank you…" Rose said. She stumbled again but the Doctor's arm moved around her waist instead and lifted her out of her fall. "It was a good night wasn't it?" she asked, still in a slur as they crossed the road and approached the alleyway where the TARDIS had been parked. "We did Mum proud."

"I think you did your mum very proud," the Doctor murmured to her. "I think she'd have loved it. Except for the part about everyone thinking she's dead and all." They arrived at the TARDIS and he leaned Rose against the TARDIS corner as he fiddled with his key and put down his umbrella. He tossed it aside and put an arm around Rose. "In you go."

"Yes well," Rose said as she staggered inside the TARDIS, "we know the truth. It's our secret eh?" she said as she grabbed onto the railing, pulling herself along.

The Doctor removed his coat and flung it over a railing. "Yes. Secret being the operative word. You almost told Mo that she was in a parallel world."

"I don't think she…" Rose hiccuped, "believed me. I have had a lot of rum and vodka and wine and shots." She laughed as she turned to the Doctor, her arms spreading out on the railing behind her. "Shots are wonderful things, Doctor. I love them."

It was hard for him to hide his amusement and he began to smile as he held her gaze. "I can tell. Now we've just got to get you off to bed now."

"Yessss," Rose drawled as the Doctor took her shoulders and started guiding her towards the doorway to the rest of the TARDIS. She stumbled again and he had to catch her, both arms around her waist to stop her from hitting the floor.

"Maybe it'd be an idea for you to take your shoes off," the Doctor suggested.

"Yeah…" Rose giggled. She reached down and took her shoes off which took longer and more effort than it should have been. She eventually straightened up and held her shoes out. "Shoes off!" she declared.

The Doctor guided her along several corridors and (regrettably) three flights of stairs before they arrived at her room.

Rose's room had a colour scheme of peach and rose. The walls were a pale golden-peach and the furnishings themselves were of a pale rose-gold. The room exuded warmth as soon as one stepped into it. Instead of a ceiling light, Rose's room had wall sconces casting a relaxing glow around the room. Her chest of drawers and desk were covered in pictures of Rose, her mother, Mickey and the Doctor as well as other friends and family over time. Rose's pink jacket hung off her desk chair. Her denim jacket was draped over the top of her partly open wardrobe door. Trainers, pumps and heels lay scattered about the floor. It was like navigating Rose through a mine field just to get her safely to the bed.

Rose shrugged off her white jacket. Beneath it she wore a knee length black dress. The colours were so stark against each other. The jacket cast the Doctor's mind back to their trip to Downing Street and the way they'd saved the Earth from the Slitheen. That seemed so long ago after everything they'd been through together. Jackie and Mickey had helped too. The Doctor remembered how Jackie had asked him that question, of whether Rose would be safe with him, had asked him to guarantee her safety. He'd never been able to do that.

Rose clambered onto the bed like a small child, wriggling herself beneath the covers and then collapsing onto her back, her eyelids fluttering shut. The Doctor stepped away from the bed once he was sure she was going to stay still and sleep now.

"Night Doctor…" Rose murmured as her stupor pulled her away into the quiet world of sleep.

"Goodnight, Rose," the Doctor smiled as he backed out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Morning greeted Rose with a headache and a hearty dose of grogginess. As she lifted her head off the pillow, she felt the world shift and spin slowly. Groaning, she lowered her head back to the pillow and tugged the covers over her head. She opened her mouth to shout to her mum for a cup of strong tea and then she remembered. Everything came back into clear focus. Rose sat up and slowly climbed out of bed, running a hand across her face as she staggered across her room towards the ensuite bathroom.

She showered and changed slowly into jeans and a teal t-shirt that read Deal With It in front of the Earth. She brushed her hair and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair, despite her efforts, looked overly fluffy, like she'd been hit by a load of static. There were small shadows under her eyes, half open as they were. Rose sat down at her desk and applied a basic amount of foundation on, enough to hide the tired shadows. She applied some colourless gloss to her lips and some pale eyeshadow to her eyes. When she looked at herself again, she felt a bit more normal now.

Rose walked through the TARDIS until she reached the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed tea and baked biscuits wafted towards her nose as she arrived. The TARDIS had a really stylish black and silver colour scheme with dark cupboards, light counter tops and a dining table that was surrounded by very cushioned seats.

The Doctor was sat at the table, looking at his phone with one hand and holding a mug of tea in the other. He looked over at the door as Rose stepped through it. A slight smile played upon his features. "Feeling rough are we?" he teased.

Rose began preparing a cup of tea with a muffled groan. "Remind me to be that smug next time you overdo it," she retorted as she added a dash of milk and lots of sugar to her tea. She turned back towards the table. The Doctor was pushing a small plate of biscuits her way along with a test tube of sapphire liquid. Rose sank down into the seat nearest her and shot her friend with a grateful look. "I take it back. Thank you," she told him as she uncorked the test tube and downed the vial in one. It was a concoction she knew very well by now, a potent brew of alien spices that took care of most hangovers. Immediately, she could feel her headache lifting and the world seemed a bit less heavy, her stomach lighter.

There was a long pause in conversation and Rose was glad of the silence as she bit into a biscuit and took several sips of her tea. Feeling herself wake up, her thoughts began to gather in familiar directions: moving forward now that her mother was gone, trying to focus on what she still had and the places she wanted to see. But at the same time, she didn't know what she wanted to see. There was so much doubt in her mind and sadness. Whenever she tried to think about the future, her stomach was struck by stabbing sensations of guilt, like she didn't deserve to move on.

"Rose," the Doctor whispered. Rose looked up, into those compassionate brown eyes, reading the silent concern in his face.

"I'm okay," she said as she looked back into her tea. "Last night was good. Mum would have loved it." Imagining her mum enjoying the gathering had made things easier. But now it was back to reality, living with the truth that she was gone now. Time to move forward.

Another long silence passed. Rose was nearly finished with her tea and biscuits when the Doctor spoke again.

"I should take you to the planet Midnight." The Doctor mused.

Rose looked up at him again, glad of the distraction. "There's a planet called Midnight."

"Oh yes. Gorgeous place. Landscape made of diamonds, fabulous spas and swimming pools. Really relaxing," he emphasized, looking at Rose.

"Sounds lovely," she smiled back at him. To be honest, it all sounded like more than Rose deserved but it also sounded like the kind of retreat that would take her out of her own mind for a while. "I'd love to go."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

The Doctor stood up with his mug. "Okay. I'll go and chart a course for Midnight."

"Great," Rose smiled though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

The TARDIS landed in a domed lobby with a glass ceiling and white floor tiles that were imbued with gem stones, twinkling brightly under the silvery artificial light. As soon as Rose stepped outside the blue box, her gaze was captured by the view outside. A vast glittering landscape of mountains and hills, all shining with diamonds seemed to spread out to the horizon, disappearing into the dark, merging with the night sky. Or at least Rose assumed it was night.

Looking around, she wouldn't have thought so from the amount of people walking about the lobby. Some people were carrying luggage with them, crowding around the many reception desk. Others were sauntering about, carrying glasses filled with wine or various coloured liquids. Others were dressed in pale teal uniforms and were walking among the crowd, sometimes talking to them.

Shutting the TARDIS door, the Doctor put his arm around Rose and they began walking over to one of the empty reception desks. They reminded Rose of crystal donuts with the receptionist sat in the middle. An elderly man looked over at her and the Doctor as they approached.

"Hello!" The Doctor greeted enthusiastically. "I was wondering if you had any vacancies." He grinned. "It's a bit last minute I know but we thought we'd treat ourselves to some of your treatments and a couple of a rooms if you have them."

The receptionist eyed them both with twinkling eyes. He was a pleasant looking man with snowy hair that fell down to his shoulders, his eyes were an astounding shade of teal. His skin tone was pale blue. "A couple of rooms, you say?" he asked, his eyes looking between the Doctor and Rose.

Rose glanced at the Doctor's arm and stifled a smile. Probably thinks we're together. She ignored the ache in her chest when she even thought about that possibility.

"Yeah, two will be fine. Can we get them next to each other?" the Doctor asked. "It's just it'd be a bit of a pain walking to the other side of the hotel to pick her up," he squeezed Rose's shoulder. "Although I guess the walk would give her time to get her make up on," he added.

Rose nudged his side with her elbow. "Shut up," she told him.

He grinned at her. "You do take your sweet time. Don't even deny it."

The receptionist laughed heartily. "Sounds like my Damian. Takes him forever to pick out one of his suits," he said.

"Oh, see _that_ I understand," the Doctor said. He removed his arm from around Rose and took the lapels of his jacket in both hands. "Can't beat a good suit."

Rose rolled her eyes.

The receptionist laughed again and brought up a holographic screen and began swiping across it, typing on a holographic keyboard and doing more swiping. "You're in luck." He told them as he examined the screen. "We've got two executive rooms on the sixth floor or we have a suite. Two bedrooms with a shared lounge."

The Doctor looked at Rose. "What do you reckon? Fancy a night in a suite?" he asked.

Rose's smiled. "Sounds good to me."

"Excellent," he said and he reached into his pocket and brought out the psychic paper. "My credentials," he said. Rose pressed her lips together hard, trying not to smile. Credentials, right. Who was he going to be this time, the King of Mars? Duke of New New Earth. She watched his face as he passed it over, wondering what alias he would use.

The receptionist examined the psychic paper, passed it back without a comment as to the format this 'identification' took and then typed in the information. He nodded once after a couple of minutes had passed. "Fantastic. Welcome to Midnight, Lord Ashworth," he told him. "You're all booked in."

The Doctor, eyes gleaming with surprise, smiled. "Thank you very much." Rose really had to fight back the laugh. It was as if the Doctor was surprised he'd gotten away with it. She didn't know who this Lord Ashworth was but she hoped he was rich.

"Here are your keys," the receptionist held out two glass card keys and gestured to the farthest end of the room where glass pipes were lined up against one of the walls. "Suite 200 is on the fourth floor," he informed them. Groups of people were travelling up and down inside the glass pipes, reminding Rose of when her class had read Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. She reached out and took her key as well as the Doctor's from the receptionist.

"Thanks," she said.

She waited until she and the Doctor had reached the first empty pipe, out of hearing of the receptionists before asking. "Who's Lord Ashworth?"

The Doctor grinned down at her. "Some human pig who tried to sell off third world citizens as slaves in exchange for weapon technology in the 333rd Century." Rose wrinkled her nose, growling slightly in her throat and the Doctor beamed even more. "I didn't think you'd object to us relieving him of some of his bank balance."

Rose looked down at the keys in her hand. "These were paid with slave money,"

The Doctor followed her gaze and then looked back up at her. "Oh no, no! I put a stop to that before he could get his first payment. He'd already made a considerable amount before he tried that particular exercise. Got away before the authorities could take hold of him but I got a good look at his account number first."

Rose began to grin. "Sneaky." The doors in front of them opened and she stepped inside. It was a strange feeling to be surrounded by clear glass. No sooner had the Doctor stepped in than the doors closed and the lift began to rise. Rose stumbled, her arms reaching out, her stomach unsettled by the absence of a visible handhold yet she could feel the side of the pipe with her fingers. The Doctor also had one hand on her back.

"This is sooo weird," Rose laughed softly as they soared above the lobby. The room disappeared and whiteness replaced it. They stopped moving up and began to travel diagonally then sideways, up again, diagonally once more. Each time it turned, Rose felt the Doctor's hand on her back grow firmer as she increased her hold on the wall for support. "Wait," she turned to the Doctor as a thought occurred to her, "if we're using this guy's name, won't the authorities come looking for us?"

"Nah," the Doctor answered as their ride took them along a cloudy tunnel, "Midnight's out of Earth's jurisdiction. This is just one of many worlds that he can hide on."

"Can't they freeze his bank accounts?"

"People don't do that anymore. It's too easy to get shady, black market accounts so the police decided to just let them keep control of their own accounts so they can trace them."

Rose frowned. "To places they can't arrest them in. Bit of a problem that."

The Doctor tilted his head sharply and sideways. "Yeah but people have found a way around that. Bounty hunters. People can hire them to track them down and bring them home."

"Is that even legal?"

The Doctor half smiled. "Well… not really. It's not exactly super illegal either. More like a slap on the wrist and "Don't do it again." Not much of a deterrent. So," he held up a finger, "if we're going to get found by anybody, it's the bounty hunter."

"Wonderful," Rose laughed. "That's great to know."

"I know! I've not run from a bounty hunter before!" the Doctor enthused. "Not with this face anyway."

The lift came to a stop, opening out onto a corridor. One wall was made of glass, displaying the gorgeous diamond landscape of Midnight. Rose walked up to the glass, tentatively reaching up to touch it as she gazed out at the rocky, glistening mountains of the planet. "This is so gorgeous," she mused as she took in the wild landscape and the thin, dark train tracks that cut paths through the diamonds.

"It is beautiful," the Doctor agreed, stepping up next to her, his hands in his pockets. He drew one of them out and it found Rose's. Rose instinctively entwined her fingers with his.

It had been some time since they had travelled anywhere in the TARDIS beyond Earth, or rather it seemed that way. It had only been about a week since the battle of Canary Wharf but it seemed like an age since she and the Doctor had visited another planet. As Rose continued to gaze out, she realised that she was never going to be able to tell her mum about Midnight or any of the adventures she had in the future. There was no one to come back home to. Even Mickey was gone now. All that had happened and she was here on a spa, like nothing had happened. She looked away from the view and pulled her hand out of the Doctor's as she bowed her head.

"Being here," she admitted, "it's great, no it's wonderful but… I- I just feel guilty about coming to a spa when… when I… when I just said goodbye to Mum." She wanted to say lost but that wasn't right really. Lost was for people who had no say in the matter wasn't it? She wasn't sure but whenever she thought about using the word, she felt like a fraud. She looked up at the Doctor. "I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I'm sorry. It's just-"

The Doctor's hand found hers again. "Rose, it's okay," he assured her. "Really, it'll be okay." He squeezed her hand and she squeezed his back. "You're allowed to miss your mum," he told her. "I just thought you deserved to relax and take your mind off it for a bit, even if it's just for a few hours," he said.

Rose smiled up at him. "I do want to," she insisted. "I just don't know if I deserve it."

"You? Not deserve it?" The Doctor questioned. "How many times have you saved the world, Rose Tyler?"

"I don't save it. I just help you."

The Doctor stared at her. "Is that what you really think?" he asked her, pausing for a few seconds. "Rose did you not see that lever? The one thing that would have allowed the Daleks and Cybermen a second chance at your world and you stopped it from undoing the suction. You saved the world this time, Rose."

Rose's cheeks burned and she turned back to the view on Midnight. She wanted to believe that, really she did. But all she saw when she thought of that day was her mum's face as she left her behind in another universe.

"Rose," the Doctor murmured to her, leaning in so that Rose could feel his breath against her cheek. "You need to stop punishing yourself. That's what Jackie would want. She wanted you to carry on living your life to the full, didn't she?" Rose nodded, her throat closing up. "Just like you want her to have a great life in that universe, yeah?"

"Course…" Rose agreed.

He squeezed her hand again. "It's up to you. We can get back in the TARDIS if you want."

Rose thought about it. "No, let's stay here," she said after she had. She smiled as she could practically hear her mum protesting the idea of leaving this place. Had Rose lost her marbles? She would have asked as well as saying that no one would have to ask her twice.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Their suite was astoundingly beautiful. The back wall of the lounge consisted entirely of one massive floor to ceiling window with sapphire curtains hanging at each side of it. The colour theme was silver and blue from the midnight blue wallpaper with the silver patterns to the stylish silver furnishings and the plump blue cushions on the sofa. The two doors leading to the bedrooms led to identical royal blue bedrooms with silver beds and other furnishings. Each bedroom had its own bathroom - a gigantic space with a jacuzzi bath. The Doctor had brought the TARDIS up here shortly after arriving.

Once they'd had a look around, Rose joined the Doctor at the window, looking out at Midnight. "What should we do first?" she asked with a slight grin.

"Well I don't know about you," the Doctor mused, "but I'm feeling rather peckish. Dinner first and how about cocktails?"

"Sounds good," Rose said. She looked down at herself. "We should probably dress up then."

"Yeah," the Doctor pulled at his collar. "I mean this is pretty fancy and if we are going to disguise as a criminal mastermind and his companion then we should probably dress the part." He looked down at his suit. "In fact, I'd say this place is very black tie."

"So we're going to have to bring our fancy game on," Rose agreed. "Okay then. But the restaurant food better not be too fancy. They better have chips."

"If they don't have chips, we're taking our custom elsewhere," the Doctor huffed. "Can you imagine?" he asked as he walked into the TARDIS. "A place that doesn't have chips? That's like one of the most basic foods in the universe."

"I know, right?"

It didn't take the Doctor long to get ready. He umm'd and ahh'd between his tux and his blue suit for a few minutes before disappearing into one of the changing stalls in the TARDIS wardrobe. He then said something about meeting her outside and disappeared.

Rose, on the other hand, had a much wider selection to choose from. The TARDIS has accumulated so many dresses over the years. She found herself wondering if Sarah Jane had ever worn some of the dresses that she was looking at, or (hilariously) if the Doctor had ever had to disguise himself in one of these. She had expected to find a box of wigs in here too. There were several boxes worth of accessories and jewellery. Rose left them for now while she searched for a suitable dress. It was about fifteen minutes later when she came across a particular dress hidden behind some coats.

It was white and floor length with a slit up the right side of the dress. The interior of the long sleeve was lined with fake fur and there was a rather low neckline to it. Rose took it inside the changing room and found that the dress hugged her figure especially around her breasts and her hips. She eyed the slit in the dress, exposing a long strip of leg. Rose quickly looked through some of the accessories boxes, finding a pearl necklace and some silvery stockings. She put them on and examined herself again. She looked a long way from the girl from the Powell Estate and her track suit. Her hair flowed over one shoulder, bringing out the paleness of the dress. The stockings glinted under the TARDIS light. She finished off the dress with some white heels.

"Okay, you can do this," she told herself before she left the wardrobe behind and descended to the console room. It was empty and Rose faltered, somehow feeling more nervous but she couldn't explain why. She took a few deep breaths and forced herself to walk out of the TARDIS and back into the spacious lounge.

The Doctor was waiting for her, scrolling through a phone as he lounged on the sofa. He looked up as the TARDIS doors creaked open and he was silent as he took Rose in.

"Oh god, too much," Rose muttered. "I didn't know how glam was too much-" she began to say.

"No, no," The Doctor began to say as he pocketed the phone, putting it away in his pocket. He continued to stare at Rose in amazement, like she'd stepped out of the TARDIS a different person._ No, that's your species,_ Rose thought with an uneasy smile. "You look…" the Doctor continued.

"Ridiculous," Rose said. "I'll just go change-"

"-breathtaking," the Doctor finished. He began to smile widely. "You look gorgeous Rose. Not ridiculous," he added in a firmer voice.

"Yeah? It's not too much?"

"Nope," the Doctor said, swallowing a little as he looked her dress up and down. "Very… very convincing."

Rose breathed a sigh of relief. "Great," she said as she closed the TARDIS door behind her and locked it.

"Yeah," the Doctor said and then seemed to shake himself. "All righty, come along," he said and offered his arm to her, "my lady," he added with a grin.

"You're a cheeky beggar," Rose laughed as she took his arm.

Ten minutes later they were seated at a table in a magnificent dining hall that stood out from the rest of the spa in a glass dome with polished silver furnishings. The dome looked out onto the landscape around the spa. The bar in the middle of the room encircled a similar glass tube containing more exotic plants. Brightly coloured drinks were being served in champagne flutes as tall as Rose's arm and the waiters carried them swiftly around. The Doctor and Rose had a table nearest to the window.

The Doctor had pulled out a chair for Rose as they sat down. She'd pushed thoughts away of how date-like this was. Don't be stupid. It's just the Doctor being fancy, she told herself as she lifted up the menu and scanned it. Across from her, the Doctor was doing the same.

"Oh good they're not heathens on this planet. There's an option for chips," he teased her.

Rose scanned through one side of the menu on which there were three columns of food. An entire column was devoted to different types of chips and there were at least a dozen of them. "How many types of chips can you get?" she asked as she looked through some of them. "Apple chips?" She managed to half stifle a gag. "Oh my god, that's disgusting."

"Hey don't knock it until you've tried it," the Doctor remarked from behind his menu.

"Yeah, no thanks," Rose laughed as she scanned further down the list of chips. "Okay tastes are getting weirder and weirder in the future," she mused. "Cucumber chips now."

"Oh those are nice!" The Doctor enthused as he turned his menu over. "In fact, I might get a portion of them."

Rose pulled a face. "Oh that's disgusting," she said through giggles. "That just sounds so gross."

The Doctor lowered his menu and grinned at her. "What's the matter? Too chicken to try it?"

"Yeah nice try. I'll stick to my normal chips thanks," Rose muttered as she turned her own menu over. "The lasagne looks good with that."

It was the Doctor's turn to have a wrinkled nose. "I can't stand lasagne."

Rose's head whipped up from the drinks list. "For real? You can eat apple chips and cucumber chips but lasagne is gross?" She lowered the list and shook at him, the laughter pouring from her quietly, shaking her whole frame. "You're so weird."

"I know," the Doctor replied with a grin. A waiter arrived and placed a basket of bread rolls and breadsticks in front of them on the table. "Breadsticks!" he declared with all the enthusiasm of a little boy hearing the ice cream van's music. "Cor, I love breadsticks. Whoever thought of them is a culinary genius."

"I'm surprised you haven't met them yet," Rose giggled as she grabbed a roll, cut it in half and started spreading liberal amounts of the large pot of butter that accompanied the bread. She bit into it and her stomach growled appreciatively.

The Doctor swallowed and went still, his gaze frozen on Rose. "Now there's an idea. We should go and pay them a visit some time."

Rose swallowed her bread. "You're really serious aren't you?"

"Why not? History's not all about the war heroes and the Queens of England," the Time Lord declared as he picked up another breadstick. "Sometimes it's just ordinary amazing people making little things like breadsticks. Oh and cocktail sausages. Cocktail sausages are the best, Rose."

Rose turned her head away from him, still laughing. She stared around at the other guests as her laugher faded away and took in the many kinds of species sitting there: purple skinned people with ruby hair and Minotaur-like horns, tiger-striped people with protruding fangs and tails that flicked around prodding at nearby waitors, pale people with electric blue hair and luminous yellow eyes, red scaly people with hair that seemed to be literally made of fire, ordinary humans dressed in zebra and giraffe patterned suits as well as some beings that looked like they came from Cheem. Rose thought about the forest people and the woman who had helped the Doctor to save Platform One on their second adventure. Everyone in the room was just getting on with things. It was just so normal; aliens on holiday or having a date night or just out with friends. Even when the whole universe was full of different races and customs, some things stayed the same. That was reassuring and amusing.

Rose had gone into these adventures wondering if everything would be different: if mealtimes would be held in the night and people slept in the day, if planets would be anti-gravity and animals ruled the world. All sorts of crazy ideas and some of them had been semi-accurate. But it had been one hell of a rollercoaster ride discovering them.

"You okay?" the Doctor's voice entered her thoughts and Rose turned back to him.

"Yeah, I'm good," she said. As she said it, her gaze landed on a pair sitting near the tropical plant in the glass tube; a woman and a little girl already midway through their meal. They were scarlet skinned with tentacles for hair, tidied behind their ears and bright green eyes flashing with delight as they chatted to each other. A mother and daughter. Rose only had to close her eyes and she could visualize herself and her mum there. Except she'd never given her mum the chance to come on one of their adventures and never even asked the Doctor if they could. It had never even occurred to her. Rose felt like her stomach was filling with lead. She really had been so selfish when it came to this travelling. She remembered how jealous she'd gotten over Sarah Jane and Madame du Pompadour… as though she was trying to lay claim to the Doctor.

Her smile disappeared and Rose leaned her cheek into her hand as she kept watch over the mother and daughter.

"Rose." The Doctor's voice was accompanied by his hand covering her free one. Rose moved her face slowly, looking up into his eyes.

"Sorry," she half smiled. "I'm not being much company am I?" She doubted she'd been much company this past week.

"Of course you are," the Doctor smiled as he reassured her. "But Jackie wouldn't want you to dwell on sadness."

"No," Rose's smile was more genuine this time. "If she were here she'd be asking why we hadn't ordered wine yet or cocktails."

"Or both! Let's do both!" The Doctor said as he picked up his menu.

Rose picked up hers again and turned to the drinks page, resolving to try and focus on having a good time. "So how strong are these cocktails exactly?" she asked. She observed some of their titles: Diamond Daiquiri, Emerald Eloper, Sapphire Sombrero, Ruby Racer, Quick Quartz, Amethyst Arrow, Topaz Trooper, Jubilant Jade, Crystal Cartwheel, Onyx Oxen, Gold Gazelle, Silver Scythe, Bronze Bait and Copper Classic. Many of their ingredients were things that Rose didn't recognize anymore although she did occasionally spot a traditional Earth ingredient somewhere within a few of the cocktails.

"Compared to the ones on Earth? These are miles more alcoholic," the Doctor said. He looked under the table. "You might need to take those off later," he said and Rose was suddenly conscious that she was wearing heels again, "if you have any hope of walking back to our suite later."

"Gotcha," Rose laughed.

The Doctor raised his menu and a waitress soon appeared at their table. She looked like she'd been made from polished silver. Her hair was so pale that it sparkled like diamonds when it caught the light. Golden eyes looked between the Doctor and Rose, out of sync with the rest of her, colour-wise. She had a serene face and an elegant smile that reminded Rose of the elves from Lord of the Rings. "What can I get you both, sir?" she addressed the Doctor.

"I will have the cucumber chips with the roasted ox, and Rose will have the lasagne and standard chips," the Doctor began. He then looked at the drinks menu one more time. "And I will have a sapphire sombrero please." He looked to Rose who held his gaze.

"You're not going to tell me what's in each of these are you?"

"What's life without a bit of mystery? Sometimes you have to find out for yourself by jumping on in."

Rose thought about it and then looked up at the waitress. "I'll take a diamond daiquiri please." At least she knew some of the ingredients for that one.

"Of course," said the waitress. "I'll be right back with your drinks."

As it turned out, the daiquiri was fantastic. On top of the white rum, lime juice and syrup, there was lemonade, some clear spirits that Rose didn't recognise and a layer of sugar on top of the concoction. To top it all off, it was delivered in a champagne flute unlike the Doctor's blue cocktail which was served in a glass shaped liked an upside down sombrero. They enjoyed a laugh about that as they fell back into talking. Before Rose knew it, she had gone through three daiquiris and was already feeling lightheaded by the time dinner arrived. The meal helped to soak up some of the alcohol and Rose was nowhere near inclined to stop drinking once their empty plates were taken away.

"You know, on my way back from the gents, someone told me that they do a cocktails room service," the Doctor informed her as he nursed his seventh cocktail, this time opting for an Emerald Eloper which stood in a pint glass with a curly straw poking out of it. It had reduced Rose to hysterical laughing when he'd insisted on it.

Rose was trying really hard not to be envious that he probably had a superior liver to hers too. The Doctor's tidbit of information, however, was a delightful distraction. "It does?" she asked. She lifted her fourth Diamond Daiquiri to her lips and took a hearty swig from it. "Let's use it. Let's just go back and kick our shoes off," she said, folding her arms and leaning forward, over the table.

"Yeah," the Doctor mimicked her, leaning forward with a grin.

"Just you and me, that's all I need." Rose declared.

"Me too," the Doctor's smile was soft and affectionate. "We can go and put on some tunes."

"Yeah! We can choose all the music we want," Rose agreed.

"And the suite's soundproof," the Doctor added. He leaned forward some more and began drinking more of his cocktail through the straw.

"Even better," Rose said as she finished her drink off.

The Doctor shortly followed and immediately called for the waitress. With another flash of the psychic paper, their bill was paid and the time travellers left the restaurant behind and made for the reception area. Rose was still walking fairly alright except for the odd stumble.

As soon as they were inside one of the transparent lifts, she took her heels off and held them by their straps. She breathed out and grinned up at the Doctor. "That feels so good."

"I don't know why you wear them if they're so uncomfortable," the Doctor remarked, looking away outside of the lift. "I just don't understand women."

"Yeah well you wouldn't be the-hic- only one would ya?" Rose muttered, wobbling around. As the lift slowed to a smooth stop, she lost her balance and fell forwards, just as the doors opened. She landed onto the dark blue carpeted hallway floor with a muffled thump. She burst out laughing after a second, laughter that was echoed by the Doctor.

"Ha! Look at you!" He stepped out of the lift and bent down to pull her up under her arms. "Up you go!" he declared as he got her back on her feet. She stumbled into him and they both fell back into the lift, just as the doors closed and the lift began to move again.

"Oops," Rose said.

It took them another ten minutes to get back to their rooms and they were both red-faced and tired from laughing. Rose chuckled her heels into the console room of the TARDIS before flopping down onto the couch, phone in hand. "All right, there's a few Diamond Daiquiris with my name on them…" she announced as the Doctor removed his suit jacket, rolled up his sleeves and sank down onto the other side of the couch.

"Make that a few Emerald Elopers too."

It was 1am when the Doctor stopped drinking and Rose couldn't make out the time because all the numbers became fuzzy.

When she moved to get up, she had to peel herself off the couch. She walked forwards to the massive window that looked out over the landscape of Midnight. She put her hands on the glass to steady herself. "So spec-spec-specmac-no-specdracula? No… spec-specacala… Pretty. It's so pretty," she slurred. The diamonds twinkled at her under the starlight and the presence of the moon. Roads were cut through the diamond mountainous landscape. In the furthest distance, Rose thought she saw something reflective glinting in starlight. Above everything there came several shooting stars crossing the heaven slowly.

Rose hiccuped and pointed towards it. "Lookie."

The Doctor sat up straighter on the couch. His hair was a bird's nest of drunken style attempts and faffing about with it. He followed Rose's hand and squinted at the window.

"That's M-Mabel," he stumbled over the word.

Rose spluttered, half laughing as she did. "Mabel… a comet shower… no a comet show… a comet thing is called Mabel?"

"Ya," the Doctor answered. "I bet someone lost a bet."

Rose turned to him. "That's rude. Very rude."

"That's me. Rude and not ginger."

Rose yawned against her will. She stretched out her arms, suddenly aware of how tired she was and how luxurious her bed would be tonight. "Okay I give up." She pushed herself away from the window. "I need sleep."

The Doctor mimicked her yawn from the couch. "You humans and your sleep. Time Lords don't need so much rest."

Rose yawned once more. "Yeah you're looking really alert there," she mumbled before heading towards her room. "I'm going to crash. Goodnight."

"Night Rose." She heard the Doctor call after her in a somewhat different ton.

She was too tired to give it much thought as she closed her bedroom door behind her, stripped down to her underwear and climbed into the gigantic bed. She had barely laid her head down on the pillow before the weight of alcohol and exhaustion lulled her into an immediate sleep.


End file.
